Kat Polsinelli shares her story of raising a child as a teen, and the abuse she faced in her relationships.
Tell us a bit about yourself.
So I was born in FL but have spent most of my life in TN. I feel like I had a great upbringing. My parents were always there. Always involved in my sports. We moved to the country when I was about 10yrs with my 2 younger sisters and we got to experience all kinds of things. Nature and being outside as being the biggest. My parents are still together today, 40 something years later and us girls had tons of things to do, try out, and be a part of. I was always outgoing, let me try everything kid and the one that always stuck up for others. I loved music, singing, and sports. Any kind really but I focused mainly on softball and track especially as I got into high school.
Where does your story begin?
If I had to choose a time in my life I believe it would be when I was in my sophomore year of high school. I was on the softball team, women’s choir, I had done track and field with ambitions of getting scholarships for college when I got pregnant. My life flipped upside down and I had to make a choice: be a teen or be a mom. I chose to be a mom. I left my school for another I could take my son with me, graduated a year early 2nd in class and president of student council. Then started a full time job I could take my son with and went to college at night. And then at 18 yrs I stepped into a relationship that would end up in almost 10 yrs of abuse. I literally started life over at the age of 28 yrs with 2 kids (7 and 10 at the time) I even bought my first car and cell phone at that time.
What was the turning point for you? What is the hardest challenge you’ve had to overcome in your life?
I have had several turning points but the biggest one was deciding that I needed out of my abusive relationship for the sake of my 2 boys. After hearing them repeat the same words as my ex I knew I could not let them grow up to be him. The hardest challenge was probably learning that I could not continue to stuff the old fears, limiting beliefs and shame down….that I needed to deal with it in order to not only heal me or but help heal my boys and to help me be a better mom and person.
How did your experience change you?
It has been almost 10yrs since I left the abuse and so many things have happened in between then. I was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety, I had heart issues, I got in another relationship, bought a home and then realized this wasn’t what I wanted. Started soul searching, broke off my engagement, sold my house, and started over again but with the need to heal and understand. The changes are so many but the most significant was learning to let go, taking my power back, and finding me again.
How would you describe yourself back then? And now?
During the abuse I became reclusive, submissive, and didn’t even trust my own thoughts. I was so angry, always sick, and filled with rage, shame, guilt, and judgment. Today I help others deal with these silent battles. I am at peace. The PTSD and anxiety are gone. I have learned to not judge others. My anger is in moments not days. I married the man of my dreams and my relationship with him and my kids are amazing. Work and professional life
What were your coping mechanisms during the hardest times?
During the hardest times at first….the coping skills were nothing. It was box it up and deal with it later but I thought that later would never come which is why I just kept stuffing it in. What I learned is we still have to go through the emotions, we still have to heal from that which we have dealt with but it takes us getting into a safe place first before we can start. We must also understand that the mind heals as it feels it can…you cannot force it, make it go faster or slower but just accept it and give space for it. Nowadays I focus very much on being present and when I feel old emotions or overwhelm or get in my head…..I make space and take time. Everything that needs to get done will when it is supposed to but in that moment I need space for me. I go outside and breathe, sit in my office and meditate, burn a candle for a few mins. Whatever it is that I need in that moment and then I can go back to what I need to get done. But making space for just those few simple mins makes all the difference. And when my body craves rest, I give it that and give myself permission to be ok with that. When you start to choose things in your day, that is when you feel at peace….it is when we force things to move, to follow that “it must get done” feeling that we end up drained.
What does mental health mean to you?
It means so much to me. It is the foundational piece that we should be taught at a young age so that we can develop the proper coping skills we need as we go through life and hard times. It is what can bring us up or take us down and yet it still seems taboo to an extent and I want to see that change.
How would you define happiness, and are you happy now?
I always thought that happiness was a feeling but it is a state of being. We have brief happiness in moments with friends and family but to truly feel happiness, to feel joy means to feel a sense of peace. And that stays with you; it doesn't just come in moments and leave in the next. I am definitely happy now and even more than just that.
What quote resonates with you most?
I have so many favorites but the one that sticks with me right now is actually my own:
Failure is just the process that creates the path to growth.
What message/ take away would you like to spread to our audience?
Speed isn’t everything, getting it done now isn’t always going to make you feel better. Slow down, breathe, embrace the now and trust that things will get better, they will get done, and it’s ok to make time for you.
What do you do for work? How did you get into it?
I am an entrepreneur, a coach, speaker, and podcaster. I got into all of this when I was abruptly let go from my medical job and decided to do something different. I love every minute of it and believe it is what I was meant for. To help others in their entrepreneurial journey, to help them fight overwhelm and gain clarity and help them fight against their own silent battles and empower them with an upgraded mindset.
What is your favorite part of your job?
One of my favorite parts is helping others see through all of the mud that has them procrastinating, blaming, or just not moving forward and offering ways that help them on an individual level. No two people are the same and I love approaching things from that perspective.
Tell us about your book and podcast.
I am in the process of writing a book but it’s not ready yet :) I do run a podcast as well called “Real Chat with Kat" where I have amazing in-depth conversations with other entrepreneurs about their journey in their business. How what they do can help others and sharing the failures and successes throughout. It is an open ended conversation created to bring us together and hear from others we might not ever listen to but need to hear from, whether that is because we need their business advice or connect on a personal level.
What inspired your work?
My work was inspired by my own healing journey and realizing that we are all craving someone who is willing to help us see what is already inside of us. Someone to just take the time, see things from our perspective, pull out the genius that is already in there and help us lay it out so we can continue to create from the uniqueness that is each of us.
How can our listeners find you and support your work?
They can follow and listen to my podcast: Real Chat with Kat (on all major platforms and 99.1 FM radio in Atlanta)
They can visit my website at www.the-lotus-effect.com or follow me on FB at KatPolsinelli or join my FB group The Lotus Effect 2.